Just when i thot that some stuff in life only happens on the Maury Show, someone sign me up to be a quest!!
I tell you, so yesterday I'm sitting, chilling with my good pal(a guy) knocking back drinks and chatting up a storm since we haven't hanged out for a minute.
In the course of yapping, my pal starts giving me his sad marriage life story, how the strokes are quiet limited and all, how his mama is always stressing him the minute he walks thru the door, bla bla bla. So I'm listening, being all sympathetic and whatnot.
Shortly, jamaa starts telling me the way he has always been feeling me from like 4 years ago when he first moved here. But because he is married and stuff he just keeps it on the low-low. I tell him that I'm flattered and all but, i respect peoples' relationships and wouldn't cross that line.
Thinking that we are done with that vibe, guys still continues to tell me how he would love to go down on me...i almost fell off the bar stool!! I'm like:"Kuwanga serious bana." And he's like it's for real, that's something he has always been wishing.
Now i start laughing cause I'm so nervous.
I blow off that storo, we knock back a few more then we head out.
He gives me a push-(yes a push lol!!) to my car and while standing out there, drinking water, trying to sober up to avoid a DUI charge, he grabs my hips and crouches down and is stares at my lower half- actually where my jean zipper, as if he's trying to unzip me with his laser vision.
I'm like: "Dude get up. It's not going to go down, and especially not out here." He is still insisting and he's like.:"Kels, if you give me the chance not only will i lamba you proper, I'll toss your salad as well."
I turned crimson!!
All i could think off was jumping into my car and running home!!
I quickly finish up my water, and told him that i gotta run. I just couldn't take it anymore!!
Now the twist in all this is, the dude is my lover's brother!!
Yes, my off and on again, can't-decide-what-we-want-to-do-with-each-other, lover. Right now we are on the outs coz he's being an ass(as always).
Dude juas about me and his brother, well he sort of figured it out a while back but never said anything. And we did talked about it while drinking, so i guess confirming his speculations.
Ugh!!!!
I'm sick to my stomach -both from the vodka and his wanting me revelation.
I need to go lay down... alone!!
12 comments:
What, homeboy actually said he wanted to toss your [fruit] salad?! Too funny!
LOL...we at the povich show would like to have you on.
Some ninja got heart I tell ya. Smh at him using obvious simp lines.
Ok him knowing about you and his brother and still willinging to turn a blind eye is not kosher in the least bit!
ati toss ure salad?LOOL
enyewe he juas bout u and his bro and bado he staring at ure zip..food for thought.
-betty-
>d: Dude is ready and willing to go all ranch/thousand island on me. Now i feel how the lettuce do...frightened!!
Msanii_xl: LMAO!! Thank you. Now do i get a gift for visiting the show? I think he's got more alki than heart.
Quint: Why are you reminding me about the National Hebrew Hotdao commercial? LOL!
B n p: I know i know. I've gotten over the shock. It ain't never going down btwn us.
isn't it funny? before jamaas try to get you into bed (or in your case, the parking lot, haha) they always start with how they are deprived in their relationships. i have always said guys go to the same finishing school for this lame shit, aki for real.
regardless, that was hilarious. akward for you, fun for us to read!
ATI WHAT? I Kent brave it!!ROFL I'm just dying here..yaani,pole sana lakini this has jazzed me to no end. Another pal just got done telling me about crazy stories such as these..
Maury has nothing on this one mami..
Toss your salad? LOL.. In the parking lot no less..wah. Ata kama its hanjams..this one is excess.
Lakin what Vodka brand were you drinking, sababu mimi I'm never touching that..unless I'm ready to use my raspberry vinaigrette that is..ha ha
eish!eish!drama!reallifedrama, i relish it...but when its gets this murkier, obsessions do scare me...cant imagine wot u r going thru, but i have one suggestion:meet him halfway!
Yaani your life is like a movie at times! Toooooo much drama! Lakini that dude is bila shame, he should at least stay away from his brother's mama if he is looking for a jump off of sorts, smh!
Wah!! after 4 yrs its when he gets the audacity 2 tell u that....
Aki sme men need 2 hv sme sense hammered (pun intended) into them.
Spicebear: You ain't lying gal!! I did a census and most jamaaz come up with the same weak-ass line of domez and sanctions. Washindwe!!
Medusa: Grey Goose it is. LOL!! @ the vinaigrette. Now i'm looking at Mc D salads with a new outlook.
Boyflani: How dare you!! LOL!! I can't do his bro and then him- what if i get wifed?!! Damn that's some crazy ish right there.
Aco: si charity begins at home ama?! LOL!!
Unyc: Carrying around balls and having balls are two very different things.
mamie, these activities of rambaing and tossing are funny. Lakini a brother was looking for sympathy strokage.
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