With friends like these...

We all have them. This one friend who annoys the crap out of you. Even today you still are trying to figure out why or rather how you became friends, but the answer eludes you. This friend is the one who shows up at your door announced and recks havoc on your personal space, leaving your serene environs looking like a sceen out of the pages of CSI- minus the yellow tape.

I had this dear friend(i call her dear because were it not for the love of God and the fear of jail-time, i would have strangled her long ago). I beleive she was a test in my life, coz she pushed my patience to the limit everytime she stopped by to "visit".

She always dropped by on a Saturday afternoon, when i just planned to take it easy and plop myself on the couch and watch mindless tv. How she use to know i was home is still a mystery (maybe she had me bugged).
She never came in quietly, nooo she announced her presence from the parking lot. She would be talking loudly on her phone and barged in without knocking.

"Hey gal, wssup!"
"Hey." my lame reply.
"Wssup, kwani your sick?" she asked.
"No, just bored and sleepy."
"Wee, i'll call you back." she would tell whoever on the phone with her.
"So what's for lunch?" she would ask as she made her way to the kitchen, dropping her purse on the seat.
"I ain't got no food." I replied.
"What about this mchele in the container?"
"That's my dinner, i have no plans to cook tonite."
"Sawa, si we buy pizza, i see you have coupons?" she would ask.
"Nah, i'm not in the mood for pizza."
I hear cabinet doors opening and closing and glasses clinking. She is pouring juice as she whistles away some tune.
(Yelling from the kitchen) "Heh, where did you buy this coookies from?"
"The store next to jobo." I muttered.
"Si, you buy for me and than i will pay you back?" She asked.
"Well if you give me $6 iw ill definately get you some."

She finally appears with her hands full.

"Please get a coaster from the kitchen, i just vaccumed the carpet." I said.
"What movie is that?"she asks as she returns.
"I have no clue, i found is going on." I replied.
"Ebu finya the info button so that i can see the name."
Lazily I oblige.
"Aaah, this movie is sawa. I have seen it before." she quips.
"Don't spoil for me the ending." i quickly retort.

With no warning she gets up and heads to my bedroom. Shortly i heard drawers opening and closing.
I yell at her,"Girl what the hell are you looking for?"
She comes out carrying my new purchase, "Where did you get this parfum from?"
"Some guy bought it." I lie
She sniffs it and sprays herself. "Mmmh he has nice taste. Do i know him?"
"Nope"
"What's his name?"
Quickly thinking of a name she doesn't know. "Kevin."
"Is he kenyan?" She asks
"Nope."
Seeing that she is not going to be able to extract more information about 'Kevin' from me, she heads back to the room.
Her cell rings, her boyfriend. She begins to explain the parfum i have to him and tries to coax him into getting it for her.
She heads off to the bathroom and opens my medicine cabinet and shuffle stuff around as she continues yapping away on the phone.
"Gal i gotta go, my mano is taking me to the movies." she says smiling.
"That's nice." I reply. (whispering) Thank God!
"Oh i need to pee." she says as she turns back and goes again to the bathroom.
She comes out with 2 of my latest bathrooom reads. "I'll bring back your mags kesho." she says as she heads for the front door.
Before i have time to object, she slams the door.
I run to the door, open and yell back at her, "Don't forget!"
"I won't." she replies. Waving her hand at me without even looking back.

Dang was that a visit? So i head back inside and make sure i lock the door and put the chain on it for good measure.

This went on for a while until i finally moved out and went far far away from her. I know i know she was a pain and i did put up with her mess, she was a fun chick to hang out with, when she wasn't going thru my stuff.