Ist Encounter

I have decided to blog on the first time I got slayed.

*GASP*

Please do looked shocked and clutch your pearls at the same time. What a mess it was!

So my guy at the time, after dating for a while was huku bragging to me the way he wants to slay me proper. Ati once I have him I will never go back. So after being told time and time again on how I am missing out on serious strokes, chickdee decided why not.
P/S: Kijana was too sawa with the oral stuff. Yaani my toes would curl and my nappy roots would straiten. He was t-h-a-t good.

So one day I stuad him and out of the blue I told him I want strokes all the way. Okay so I should have known by the uso wa mshangao he gave me that the slay my not be up to per. But what did I know, I was a naive girl from the slopes of Shimba hills.

I knew I was going to his crib a ka-innocent chick and coming out a full-fledged mama. Don't blame me. I had read all those Mills& Boon, Harlequins and Ecstacy Supremes, and the way those female characters were changed after strokage.Which mama doesn't want all that? Hell and it was about time coz I had heard that Jesus was coming back when the clock struck midnite in 1999...

After serious rubs, coz the dude was working me like a stripper on a pole on a Friday night. I was good, moist and ready.
I had brought my own supply of condoms,coz I was not about to get preggers after the 1st tryout.(Shout out to the pharmacy in Corner House ground floor. You still there?! One of the pharmacist there knew me on a face to face basis.Aki he knew even my favorite brand LOL!).

Brother puts on the rubber and proceeds to breaking and entering. I began to freak-out and hyper-ventilating. We had kadhaa false starts coz I was to busy babbling to even relax:

"Wait, wait. Let me catch my breath."
"Haya wait I exhale again."
"My leg is cramping, I can't feel my leg."
"Are you sure that condom is on right?"
"No I am not trying another position. I want it missionary. The way God made it to be."
"Ouch, ouch, could you be more gentle that that?"
"Ouch I did not say you get out. Work with me here."
"Okay if you take off that condom, i will slap you with it."
"Oh my God. I'm choking."

The guy was more calm that i am.

So now that strokes are about to begin. I am hoping that the following strokage effects will occur:
1)Fireworks
2)Earthmoving
3)The rapture

Instead, it was this:

...Crickets chirping...

The room was quiet and i wasn't about to break that monotony with some weird sound that sounded like a moan...hapana!
I am sooo feeling shy. Can't look at his face. I have connected with his shoulders and silently praying that this will be over soon. In the middle of strokes i go like "Could we please move to the middle of the bed coz you are banging my head aganist the wall." We silently slither to the middle of the bed.

After a few minutes, he suggests that we switch-up position.
Now I am on top.
So very awkward.
What am I going to connect with? The wall? This South-coast finest ain't about to ride this guy like a pony- unless his was Ginuwine. So i lay on him and tell him the motion is all on him.

5 Minutes later.

I get off and head over to the other side of the bed...in a daze.

Few minutes of silence pass.

He turns to me and says: "Si we go for another rao?"

I am silently dying inside and cringing...

"No thanks. I would like to get home before it's dark."
"Why what's wrong? Did you not enjoy it? Did you come?"

This is what i should have shouted at him." Oh Hell Naw!! What in the name of strokage was that?!!"

But i said this:" No.I just want to go home."

Actually i wanted to go home and douse myself in Jik.

He asks if i want to shower with him.
I decline.(The sooner i get outta here the better).
He walks me home.
I live on the other side of the estate.

He apologizes for not satisfying me.
I say it's okay: Beginners miss-luck

He offers for another try for next sato.
My eyes are rolling internally.
Saying to self:" How can i dump this guy? I love him, he is my bofie. The sex sucks. What to do?"

He gets me home.
Pecks me on the cheek.
Says bye.
I half-walk, half-run to the showers.
I am using anthing i can find: dettol, lifebouy, protex.

Called my guy-buddy and ranted like a mad mama.

What a thrill that was!!